Wish You Were Here
by EmilyKellen
Summary: The photo on the postcard was generic, as far as tropical paradises went. Clear blue-green water and cloudless blue sky broken only by a perfect row of vibrant green palm trees. A reddish shack with a thatched roof built upon stilts rose out of the water. It was perfectly idyllic. Natasha hated it... **CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR AGE OF ULTRON**
1. Chapter 1

The moment she opened the door, Natasha Romanov knew something was different. There was an energy in the apartment that hadn't been there earlier, and it prickled on her skin like electricity.

Natasha pulled the small pistol from the holster at her hip and made her way through the dark. Senses heightened, she slunk noiselessly between rooms, but found them all clear. The prickling feeling remained, however, and once the lights were on she knew why.

The room, and the whole apartment, was sparse. The building was brand new; built on the Avengers campus to house the eclectic collection of recruits and staff that made up Earth's Mightiest Heroes. She had been offered a larger suite after the facility had been built but had turned it down. She'd had no use for the space. Even now, aside from the clothes in her closet, her toiletries, and a few mostly-empty takeout containers in the fridge, the apartment looked exactly as it had when she had moved in.

It was because of this that she immediately noticed the postcard on the coffee table in the simple yet tasteful living room. The bright blues and greens of the tropical landscape on the card were a stark contrast to the muted neutrals in the room. Natasha stared at the card, not entirely sure what to make of it. In her heart, she knew who it was from and why it was there.

Natasha approached the card as though it were about to detonate. Despite years of training and conditioning designed to make her nerves as hard as steel, she noticed her hand shaking as she reached for it.

It had been nearly four months since Ultron had been destroyed. And the Hulk taken off in a Quinjet, Natasha thought darkly. She understood why he'd left, but the emptiness she'd felt at his betrayal hadn't healed. It was a feeling she was not used to, and did not like. Through her time in Russia, and then later at SHIELD, her work had been her life. Becoming friends with Clint Barton was the closest she'd ever come to an emotional attachment, but even that came with a certain level of professional distance. Ever since she'd fallen through the floor of the Helicarrier and watched Bruce Banner morph from the quiet, unassuming doctor to the enormous mass of muscle and rage that was the Hulk, they'd shared a connection.

Natasha had seen firsthand the struggle Bruce went through when he became the Hulk, and saw how much it took out of him when the Hulk left. He'd learned to control it, to a degree; he could decide when he changed, and with the help of her lullaby, he could ease out of it. She knew how hard it was when he saw the devastation he had caused, and seeing his pain sent pangs straight to her heart. She didn't blame him for wanting to go somewhere beautiful and calm.

The photo on the postcard was generic, as far as tropical paradises went. Clear blue-green water and cloudless blue sky broken only by a perfect row of vibrant green palm trees. A reddish shack with a thatched roof built upon stilts rose out of the water. It was perfectly idyllic. Natasha hated it, and she hated Bruce. She was supposed to be there with him, not stuck dealing with a semi-omnipotent android and a emotionally-damaged psychic.

She flipped over the card, not knowing what to expect. Was it an apology? An explanation? Or just a note saying he was gone for good and to not bother looking for him? As the last possibility crossed her mind, Natasha felt her eyes starting to water. Despite how angry she was that he had left her, she missed him.

Natasha stared at the back of the card in confusion before turning it over and inspecting it again. There was only one line on the postcard, written in what she recognized instantly as Bruce's untidy scrawl: "I tried running with it, but ended up running away." It was almost an apology, Natasha thought. The anger she felt came back to the surface, and she threw the card blindly across the room. The door to the apartment slammed behind her, and the postcard fluttered silently to the floor.


	2. Chapter 2

Upstate New York was a beautiful place. Rolling hills, picturesque landscapes, and open sky for miles. Natasha loved going into the country and relaxing on Clint's farm. Sometimes she borrowed a book from his wife, Laura, but most of the time, she'd simply sit out on the patio absorbing as much of the surroundings as possible. Natasha found the fresh air, the quiet, and the openness of it more therapeutic than any of the doctors or group sessions she'd been referred to over the years.

Today, however, she was close to regretting her decision to come out here. Natasha wrapped her arms around herself tightly as a fresh white plume of breath rose in front of her. She couldn't deny the beauty of the scenery; spindly trees covered in hoarfrost and a pristine blanket of snow covering the ground; but at the moment she was too preoccupied with staying warm and too annoyed that Banner was late to truly appreciate it. He could've texted, she thought peevishly.

Finally, Natasha spotted movement along the horizon. She watched the car get steadily closer until it pulled up alongside hers. She saw Dr. Banner's sheepish expression and felt some of her annoyance deflate.

"I took a wrong turn about 5 miles back," he said. "I don't know how you find anything out here, everything looks the same." He smiled apologetically and Natasha couldn't help but smile back.

"So, Doc, how do you want to do this?"

"Just the way we talked about." He flashed her a bashful grin as he tossed his jacket into the car, and then he began to grow.

He'd come to her with his plan a couple months previous. After New York, he'd said, he felt like he had more control over his change into the "Other Guy." The problem, however, was getting the Other Guy to leave. Dr. Banner rarely ever spoke about what it was like to be the Hulk, but he had a theory that in order to change back into himself, the Hulk needed to be calm enough to allow him to regain control.

They'd spent a couple weeks working together coming up with different ideas to pacify the Hulk, but eventually settled on a tranquilizer fired from Natasha's wrist launcher. Dr. Banner had worked with Tony Stark to create a serum strong enough to bring down the Hulk and fashioned it into a delivery system that would work with her bracers.

Natasha adjusted the launcher at her wrist, double-checking that its systems were working and the tranquilizing serum was properly installed. She turned around to see a massive green expanse in front of her. The eyes that glared down at her were not Dr. Banner's, but it was a marked change from the first time she'd been face to face with the monster.

"Hey, big guy," Natasha said, levelly. The Hulk grunted in a way that was not entirely aggressive. Natasha took that as a good sign. "Ready to give this a shot?" He grunted again, and leapt into the snowy field. After a few moments head start, Natasha followed. The Hulk allowed her to get within range, and without hesitation, she fired the tranquilizer. The capsule that Stark had constructed fell away exactly as it had been designed to, and the dart contained within found it's mark in the Hulk's upper thigh.

The Hulk stumbled, and Natasha backed up nervously. He shook his head violently as the potent chemical mixture made it's way through his system. Suddenly, he roared. It was an angry, pained sound that worried Natasha, but she didn't dare approach him yet. The Hulk was still stumbling about, thrashing wildly, though he was shrinking. The roaring turned to screaming as the form became more and more human, and finally Natasha ran to him.

By the time she reached him, the Hulk had changed completely back into Dr. Banner, and was curled up on his side, sobbing. Natasha covered him with her coat and tried to get him to sit up.

"Doc, what's going on? Doc— Bruce, I need you to talk to me right now, you have to tell me what's happening so I can help you." She pulled his face up from his chest to meet hers. His eyes were unfocused and full of so much pain and fear that made Natasha feel like she had been punched in the stomach. She sunk down onto the cold ground beside him and pulled him towards her in an awkward embrace. The silence settled around them and for the first time since she'd started coming out to the countryside, Natasha regretted it.


	3. Chapter 3

p class="p1"span class="s1"Natasha rolled over in the bed, unable to get comfortable. The knowledge of the postcard laying in the next room left a feeling of restlessness and unease that kept her on edge. Through the slats in the still-open blind, she could see a glimpse of the countryside. Her mind wandered to the snowy day nearly three years before, and she shivered despite herself at the memory of the cold seeping into her veins as she sat entwined with Bruce in the middle of nowhere. /span/p  
p class="p2"The serum had been a colossal failure. She had never found out exactly why; Bruce refused to talk about it, and had holed himself up in Stark Tower. In the months that had followed, he rarely left, and rarely spoke about anything other than his research. /p  
p class="p2"Thinking their work was done, Natasha had gone back to focusing on her job. She hadn't even given him another significant thought until last year, when SHIELD was dismantled. The research Dr. Banner had been doing had been largely for SHIELD, Nick Fury had reminded her while they sat huddled in a repurposed bunker, and he, as well as his work, needed to be protected. /p  
p class="p2"So, once Alexander Pierce had been deposed and the Captain had gone to track down his friend from his former life, Natasha had gone straight to New York. Fortunately, Stark had planned ahead, and as soon as Steve had sent word of SHIELD being compromised, the Stark Tower had gone into lockdown. The Avengers were the only people with access to the building, but only Dr. Banner had remained in New York after Loki had been defeated. /p  
p class="p2"It was there that she had found him, still at work as if nothing had happened; the only sign that any time had passed at all was his somewhat unkempt appearance that Natasha recognized all too well as a sign that the doctor had not been getting much sleep. After ensuring the security of both Dr. Banner and his research, and with no imminent threats on the radar, Natasha had stayed there to keep an eye on him. And, if she were being honest with herself, she knew he wasn't the only one who needed the companionship./p  
p class="p2"Life at the tower fell into a predictable routine; the doctor worked, Natasha helped him with his research where she could and kept on top of the intelligence that flowed from the scattered avengers and their informants, they ate together and watched television in the evenings, and neither of them mentioned the Other Guy. It was relaxing, and almost domestic, in its own way./p  
p class="p2"Eventually, however, Natasha became fed up with the doctor's complete avoidance of anything to do with the Hulk. In the time they'd spent together, she'd learned a lot about him and while empathized with him, and even considered him a friend, she knew it was impossible to outrun your demons. God knows she'd tried. But she knew she could no longer wait for Dr. Banner to come around on his own./p  
p class="p2""Hey, Doc, you got a minute?"/p  
p class="p2""What? Oh, yeah, sure Nat. What's up?" He asked, not bothering to look up from his work. It was an exchange they'd had a hundred times before. If he noticed the slight edge in her voice this time, he didn't show it./p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""We need to talk about the Hu—the Other Guy." The doctor stiffened visibly, and Natasha could feel the tension radiating off of his back. "Look, Doc, we can't keep avoiding this forever. The longer we procrastinate, the less time we have to prepare in case someth—/span"/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""In case of what? What do we have to prepare for? I'm not a hero, Natasha, I never was. I just want to do my work in peace."/span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""You're an Avenger, just like the rest of us. We wouldn't have beat Loki if it wasn't for you." Bruce snorted derisively. "Bruce, you can't keep hiding from this. We had a setback, sure, but that doesn't mean we can't find another way."/span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"At the mention of the serum, Bruce shuddered. "I can't go through that again," he said, defeated. Natasha felt a chill run down her spine at the memory of his screams./span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""What happened?" She asked quietly. He turned around and looked at her./span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Pain. Everything felt like it was being ripped apart. The… the Other Guy doesn't really feel pain, not like normal people do. The serum reacted to something in the Other Guy's biochemistry that we didn't account for. It did what it was designed to do, though. Being the Hulk… it's like I'm just a passenger. I can look out the windows, but I'm not driving. But the serum… it brought me, Bruce-me, forward. I could see and feel everything the Other Guy felt, but, as me, and it was… it was unbearable." /span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"It was the first time he'd ever spoken about what it was like as the Hulk. She met his eyes and could see how much pain he was in, and almost regretted having brought up the topic. The silence hung between them./span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""No more serums, no more chemicals. We can find another way," she said, hoping it would be somewhat encouraging./span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""I don't know that I can. I'm not ready for that."/span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""You don't have to be ready yet. We still have to come up with a plan. Think we can start with that?" Bruce, drained of energy, sighed deeply, but then nodded. Natasha smiled at him, and held out her hand to him. He returned the smile weakly, but took her hand and allowed her to pull him to his feet./span/p  
p class="p2""We can worry about where to start tomorrow. Come on, sun's getting low, let's go find something to watch. It's your turn to choose."/p 


End file.
